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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723356">i’ve kissed you before (but i didn’t do it right)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellieb3an/pseuds/Ellieb3an'>Ellieb3an</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Relationships, Confessions, Drama, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, MSBY characters also appear, Minor Miya Osamu/Akaashi Keiji, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Post-Olympics, Sharing a Bed, Some Humor, Wedding date, because Miya Atsumu is a Disaster, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:34:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,050</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26723356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellieb3an/pseuds/Ellieb3an</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Atsumu finds out Hinata will be back in Japan just in time for Osamu’s wedding and impulsively tells his mother that they’re dating, he’s not prepared for how the lie makes it harder to ignore what’s been there for a very long time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>74</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>AtsuHina Exchange, Recommended AtsuHina Fics</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i’ve kissed you before (but i didn’t do it right)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErisabesuFic/gifts">Erisabesu (ErisabesuFic)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I took little bits from the tropes and prompts you suggested, and I really hope you enjoy what it snowballed into because I had fun writing it :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It only takes three sentences to send Miya Atsumu’s mind spiraling on an otherwise insignificant Thursday night.</p><p><b> <em>Shouyou-kun: </em> </b> <em> Hi Atsumu-san, I hope you’re well! I’ll be in Japan for next month. I was hoping I could see you. </em></p><p>The message comes during the first week of freedom—read: boredom—following the volleyball season (which ended with the Black Jackals losing the finals against the Red Falcons), as he's sitting at the kitchen table in his family home. His father had asked him to visit to give his mother someone to fuss over “before she makes me lose my mind over this wedding.” So there Atsumu dutifully sits as she prepares a meal and talks about guest lists and visiting relatives and all sorts of things that fade into the buzz that fills his ears the moment he sees a familiar name on his phone screen. </p><p>It’s been over a year and a half since he last saw Hinata Shouyou—not long after the Tokyo Olympics, on the night before a plane took him away to Brazil <em> again </em>. They’ve kept in touch a bit, admittedly more in the beginning than as time and volleyball seasons went on, but Hinata hasn’t been home since he left. Atsumu likes to think he’s gotten better this second time around at not missing him too much.</p><p>Funny how a simple text message still feels like it can knock the wind out of him. </p><p>Atsumu stares at it for a long time with his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. A dozen possible responses come to mind—is “I’d love to” too eager and how many exclamation points are too many?—before he settles for asking what dates Hinata is free.</p><p>He finds himself browsing Hinata’s instagram page, a habit that’s frequent enough he doesn’t even realize he’s decided to do it until he notices there are no new posts since the last time he checked. So many photos of volleyballs and teammates Atsumu has never met but knows the names of and can hear how they roll off Hinata’s tongue. </p><p>Okay, maybe he misses Hinata just as much now as he did the first time he went back to Brazil.</p><p>“Atsumu, are you even listening to me? I swear, if it isn’t about volleyball, your head is always somewhere else. Can’t you even spend an evening with your dear old mother without having to <em> look </em> at volleyball on your phone?”</p><p>He sets his phone on the counter and holds up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, Okan. I’m all yours. And what’re ya talkin’ about ‘old’ for? You don’t look a day over 50.”</p><p>She purses her lips and smacks him in the back of the head. “I’m 52. That’s not much of a compliment, ya know.”</p><p>But the gleam in her eye lets Atsumu know she’s onto his joke, and he grins cheekily while rubbing his sore head. </p><p>His mother sighs and turns back to the stove to stir. “What am I gonna do with you, Atsumu, now that yer brother’s gonna have himself someone else to worry about?”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“I never had to worry about you before,” she explains, not looking back at him but still pausing her stirring long enough to gesture with the spoon over her shoulder, a vague flick of her wrist, waving the utensil as if it’s supposed to convey something. (It doesn’t really.)</p><p>“What are ya worried about now, and what’s it got to do with ’Samu getting married?”</p><p>“You’re 27 years old, and Osamu is moving on with his life.”</p><p>Atsumu frowns. Of course he knows this. In the past few years, Osamu has been spending more and more time in Tokyo, working at that Onigiri Miya branch and spending time with Akaashi. It’s not like it’s anything new, just more permanent. “And?”</p><p>“I just don’t want you to be lonely is all,” his mother says.</p><p>“I’m not lonely.” </p><p><em> Liar, </em> he thinks to himself, <em> weren’t you just pining after pictures of a guy you’ve been thinking about for a decade? </em></p><p>“You haven’t dated anyone since high school.”</p><p>“I’m busy with volleyball.” Honestly, isn’t it enough that he’s a successful, famous athlete? An <em> Olympic </em> athlete! But to hear his mom tell it, his success should be measured in whether or not he’s on his way to the altar with someone. Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t seen <em> anyone </em> . He’s had plenty of fun here and there—he <em> is </em> an Olympic athlete—nothing serious, but good enough for now. </p><p>His phone screen lights up with another message, which he quickly swipes open upon seeing Hinata’s name again. </p><p><b> <em>Shouyou-kun: </em> </b> <em> I have any time from April 10-17 open. Maybe I could stay with you a couple days? If that’s alright! To have time to catch up! Or we could just meet for a short visit! </em></p><p>The timing matches up with Osamu’s wedding. And that’s how Atsumu comes up with his brilliant, stupid idea.</p><p>“Actually, Okan, I <em> am </em> seein’ someone.”</p><p>She turns to him, eyebrows high with excitement. “You are? Since when? Why is this the first I’m hearing of it?”</p><p>“For a while,” he lies with a shrug.“We’ve been long distance while he’s workin’ in another country so I didn’t wanna make a big deal about it ’til I knew it was gonna work out.”</p><p>His mother’s face falls. “So I don’t get to meet him, then?”</p><p>“You will! He’s going to be back in Japan in time for the wedding, so he’ll be my date.”</p><p>As she flits around the kitchen, happily rambling about how exciting this is, Atsumu sends a text to Hinata to say he can stay for a long weekend... and ask if he’ll be able to bring formal wear.</p><p>
  <em> Yup. Great idea, Atsumu. This is gonna be a disaster. </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Atsumu taps his hands against his steering wheel as he waits in front of the airport for Hinata to find him. He watches the constant stream of people leaving for that familiar orange hair, knows that even without it he would spot Hinata anywhere instantly—for someone so short, Hinata’s presence has always been larger than any other.</p><p>The waiting does nothing to help Atsumu’s nerves over what he’s about to drag Hinata into. Sure, Hinata already agreed to be Atsumu’s date for the wedding, but he doesn’t know that they have supposedly been dating for the past two years. </p><p>Hopefully, it won’t be as awkward as Atsumu already feels about it.</p><p>A knock on Atsumu’s passenger-side window pulls him out of his thoughts, and he realizes he must have zoned out because Hinata Shouyou is standing there in all his orange-haired, freckle-faced glory, looking brighter than the sun with a smile stretched wide across his face. </p><p>“Shouyou-kun!”</p><p>Atsumu bangs his knee on the dashboard while hurrying out of the car and curses something fierce as he fails to clear the doorframe with his head. Hinata is laughing—and it’s been <em> far </em>too long since Atsumu has heard the brilliant sound of it—as he rounds the car to check on him.</p><p>“Atsumu-san! Is your head alright?”</p><p><em> Is </em>his head alright? Are the stars he’s seeing from bumping it or from staring too hard into the sun? </p><p>No, Atsumu’s head has not been alright since the Spring Interhigh Tournament of his second year of high school, and the problem only gets worse every time Hinata comes back into his life.</p><p>But that would be too much to get into right now, so he plasters a sheepish grin on his face and settles for, “Don’t worry, it’s no worse than anything Samu’s always doing to me.”</p><p>Hinata laughs again, softer this time. “Poor Atsumu-san!”</p><p>“I can always count on you to side with me, at least,” Atsumu jokes, reaching for Hinata’s suitcase so he can drag it round to the trunk. “Everyone else takes Samu’s side. How was yer flight?” </p><p>“Much shorter and simpler than the long one from Brazil! Thank you so much for coming to pick me up, by the way. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long!”</p><p>“Not at all.”</p><p>No sooner has Atsumu closed the trunk than a pair of arms wraps around him, squeezing tight around his middle as Hinata’s face presses into his shoulder. “It’s good to see you again. I’ve missed you a lot.” </p><p>Hinata says it so earnestly that Atsumu sighs and returns the hug with equal enthusiasm.</p><p>“You too, Shouyou-kun.”</p><p>***</p><p>“I’m really happy you asked me to go to the wedding with you.” Hinata glances at him with a bright smile as he says it, but his gaze is mostly directed out the window where he excitedly watches the familiar sights between Osaka and Hirakata go by. “Are you sure there wasn’t anyone else you would have wanted to take if I didn’t invite myself to visit?”</p><p>“Where would I find a better wedding date than you?”</p><p>Hinata laughs. “I know Atsumu-san could get any date he wanted. Thanks for taking me, though. I can’t wait to celebrate Osamu-san and Akaashi-san! They’re okay with me coming?”</p><p>“Of course they’ll be,” Atsumu says. “Yer friends with ’em. It’s gonna be an awesome surprise.”</p><p>Hinata turns back to him, blinking in confusion. “Surprise?”</p><p>“Well, not at the wedding,” Astumu explains with a dismissive wave of his hand. “They know I’m bringin’ a plus one, but they’ll see ya this week before the event. We gotta spend some time with my family this week, if that’s alright with ya.”</p><p>“That sounds great!”</p><p><em> And time to read him the fine print, </em>Atsumu thinks guiltily, looking away and taking a steadying breath. “Actually, Shouyou-kun, there is still one little thing I have to mention about this week—”</p><p>But before he can explain himself, his phone rings through the speakers of the car. It’s his mom, probably freaking out about something wedding related, which she keeps calling <em> him </em> about instead of Osamu.</p><p>With an apologetic glance at Hinata, he answers the call. “Hey, Okan, what’s up?”</p><p>“Is he with you?” she asks, ignoring his greeting entirely.</p><p>“Samu? I haven’t seen him since—”</p><p>“No. Your boyfriend! Did you pick him up from the airport?”</p><p>...He really should have taken her off speakerphone.</p><p>
  <em> Damn it, should have switched off the speaker... </em>
</p><p>They’re at a stop light, so Atsumu has the time to see the look of confusion and hurt on Hinata’s face—presumably because Atsumu just told him there wasn’t anyone else he’d have as a wedding date. And of course, he’s about to make it a whole lot worse.</p><p><em> This </em>was not how he planned to break the news.</p><p>“Yeah, Okan,” he says, accepting his fate and taking advantage of the blue light to look away from whatever expression passes over Hinata’s face. “His flight got in safely.”</p><p>“Great! I’m cooking dinner so come home after you drop his things off at yer apartment.”</p><p>“You don’t need to go through all that trouble,” Atsumu tries. “He’s probably tired from his flight and—”</p><p>“Atsumu, I refuse to let ya feed that boy protein shakes and takeout while he’s here. And yer not makin’ us wait ‘til the wedding to meet him. Besides, Osamu will be here for dinner, too.”</p><p>Atsumu sighs. “Yes, Okan. See ya soon.”</p><p>Silence fills the car after the beep of the phone call ending. At the next red light, Atsumu turns to see Hinata chewing his lip. </p><p>“So that’s what I was about to tell ya before she called,” he says sheepishly. From the heat on his face and neck, he’s sure he must be very red as he faces his complete mortification of having to admit he lied about a relationship.</p><p>Hinata just looks sad. “That you have a boyfriend?” </p><p>“What? No! I don’t! I definitely don’t! I thought it was obvious that I… uh…” Atsumu groans and drags his hand down his own face, but he knows he needs to just spit it out. “Oh man… I <em>may</em> <em>have</em> told my mom that <em>you</em> are my boyfriend.”</p><p>
  <em> Say something. Please say something. </em>
</p><p>But Hinata gapes. And gapes some more. And finally when he moves his mouth like he’s about to say something, a car horn blaring behind them startles Atsumu into action.</p><p>He registers the light that’s turned blue and the impatient driver behind him and the fact that Hinata is still stunned into silence, and he slams his foot down on the gas to at least remedy one of these situations…</p><p>And rams into the bumper of the car ahead of him.</p><p>It’s a minor hit—not even enough to engage the airbags—and right away, the driver in front of him is already getting out of his car to assess the damage.</p><p>“Are ya alright, Shouyou-kun?” </p><p>Hinata nods, and after eyeing him up to assure himself that’s indeed true, Atsumu rests his forehead on the steering wheel.</p><p>Well, this weekend is off to a great start.</p><p>***</p><p>Fortunately, there is barely damage to either car, but it doesn’t stop Atsumu from feeling like an anxious mess even after contact information is exchanged and promises are made (by him) to cover repairs and everyone goes on their own ways. </p><p>He’s grateful that they miss the Black Jackals as they make their way through the apartment building where many live, and Hinata mercifully waits until they are safe in Atsumu’s apartment to bring up the elephant in the room again. </p><p>He stays standing near the doorway, his hand clinging to his bag. “You told your mom that I’m your boyfriend.” </p><p>Atsumu collapses into the couch in his small living room and throws his arm over his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I got ya tangled into my mess and I’m springin’ it on ya at the last minute. ”</p><p>“Why did you tell her that in the first place?” Footsteps come closer and a weight drops beside him on the couch. </p><p>“My mom was goin’ on about how she’s worried about me bein’ on my own now that Samu’s got Keiji-kun. It’s dumb, honestly, but then you were askin’ me about this week and the idea came outta my mouth before I really thought about what I was committin’ ya to. I just didn’t want my mom to worry so much, and I really did want ya to be my date to the wedding.” </p><p>Hinata pulls his arm away until Atsumu has to look at him. There’s a furrow in his brow, but he doesn’t look terribly angry. “Why didn’t you just tell me all this, though? It would have been nice to have been asked before you told your mom that.”</p><p>“Because I’m an idiot?”</p><p>Hinata snorts. “Maybe just a little.”</p><p>Atsumu smiles a bit, relief flooding him as Hinata seems to soften. “I didn’t think ya’d have to go meet my family right away either,” he adds apologetically. “I thought we’d have time to talk about it. You don’t hafta do it. I’ll just explain everything to my mom.”</p><p>“Hm.” Red colors Hinata’s cheeks as he shifts around, sitting cross-legged against the arm of the couch so that he’s facing Atsumu. “How long have we been dating for?”</p><p>Atsumu smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. He feels like he could kiss Hinata for saving him.</p><p>He always feels like he could kiss Hinata.</p><p>***</p><p>Apparently, Atsumu is not destined to catch a break this weekend, because just before he and Hinata are due to head out, his phone starts buzzing with one message after another. While Hinata uses the bathroom, he looks at the list of notifications—Bokuto, Osamu, Meian, Mako—and starts by reading the message from MSBY’s publicist.</p><p><b> <em>Mako-chan:</em> </b> <em> Miya-san, your car accident is making the rounds on Twitter. First things first: Are you, Hinata-san, and the other driver all uninjuried? Second: Is there anything I need to know for damage control? </em></p><p>
  <b> <em>Mako-chan sent a link</em> </b>
</p><p>Stomach turning with anxiety, Atsumu clicks the link to an article.</p><p>
  <em> Miya Atsumu may be an Olympic volleyball player, but he certainly will not be winning any gold medals for driving.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> The V.League’s top setter, a career-long member of the MSBY Black Jackals and a setter for Japan’s Olympic gold-medal men’s volleyball team during the Tokyo Olympics, was spotted in public today when he rear-ended another car in Osaka. The incident was caught on camera by an onlooker who uploaded it to social media. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> As you can see in the video shared below, all parties involved in the accident appear to walk away unscathed with only minor damage to the vehicles. MSBY has not yet responded to our request for comment. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Many social media users were quick to point out that Miya’s passenger was none other than Hinata Shouyou, another star of Japan’s national volleyball team and current opposite hitter for Asas São Paulo in Brazil... </em>
</p><p>He doesn’t read the rest of the article before letting Mako know everything is alright and grumpily checking the other messages.</p><p><b> <em>Captain:</em> </b> <em> Saw you got in an accident today. Are you okay? Let me know if you need anything. </em></p><p><b> <em>Bokkun:</em> </b> <em> Oh no, Tsum-Tsum, are you and Hinata alive??? </em></p><p>
  <b> <em>Samu sent an image</em> </b>
</p><p>“Aw c’mon, are you kidding me?” Atsumu whines while watching a grainy looping GIF of himself repeatedly dropping his head against his steering wheel in frustration.</p><p>He sends an angry response, sarcastically thanking Osamu for his brotherly concern and shoves the phone back into his pocket.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” Hinata asks.</p><p>“Just a little public humiliation,” Atsumu laments.</p><p>***</p><p>Within five minutes of sitting down to eat, Atsumu is strongly considering becoming an only child. While his parents fuss over him and Hinata, Osamu tells him—seeming far more amused than a loyal brother should—that his face is all over the internet.</p><p>“Samu, if you don’t shut it right now—”</p><p>“Sorry, am I embarrassin’ ya in front of yer <em> boyfriend </em>?” Osamu taunts, the accusation clear in his voice and his smirk. </p><p>“Boys, please,” their mother interrupts with a clap. “Behave yerselves in front of Shouyou-kun.”</p><p>“It’s alright, Miya-san,” Hinata says cheerfully. “It’s honestly nice to come back and see some things haven’t changed while I was gone.”</p><p>Atsumu’s father laughs. “If there’s one thing ya can always count on, it’s these two gettin’ a rise outta each other. It’s been that way since they were little boys.”</p><p>“Do you have any siblings, Shouyou-kun?” Atsumu’s mother asks. </p><p>Hinata nods enthusiastically and swallows the food he’d been chewing before answering. “I have a sister, Natsu.”</p><p>“Do you two fight like my boys?”</p><p>“Sometimes, although not as often! But she’s seven years younger than me, so we aren’t best friends like Atsumu-kun and Osamu-san are.”</p><p>The change in honorific attached to his own name catches Atsumu’s attention, and he can feel his face burning. Hinata gives him a cheeky smile because he knows exactly what he’s doing. </p><p>Atsumu decides to turn the attention away from Hinata and himself for the moment. “Why isn’t Keiji-kun joinin’ us tonight?”</p><p>“It was his last day in the office before the wedding and honeymoon,” Osamu says. “He’s working late trying to set things up for his assistant to handle while we’re away. He and his family will be headed up from Tokyo in the mornin’.”</p><p>“Poor Keiji-kun seemed like he was under a lot of stress last time we saw him,” their mother says worriedly. “He should get some rest before the wedding day.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Osamu sighs. “He really needs to relax.”</p><p>“Akaashi-san can be very serious,” Hinata agrees. “I hope I’ll get to see him before the wedding, though. I never got to the last time I was in Japan.”</p><p>“It would do him some good to get out tomorrow,” Osamu says thoughtfully. “We could all meet up for a bit.”</p><p>“I’d like that a lot!”</p><p>“So Shouyou-kun, tell us, how did you and Atsumu get together?” their mother asks Hinata with a conspiratorial look in her eye. My son wouldn’t share the details with his own mother, would ya believe that?”</p><p>“Yeah, how <em> did </em> that happen?” Osamu says, his tone lightly challenging as he locks eyes with Atsumu. “Can’t believe ya managed to keep this a secret from yer twin for so long, Tsumu. Really.”</p><p>Atsumu nearly chokes on the water he’s drinking, but Hinata doesn’t miss a beat. </p><p>“It was actually during the Olympics,” he says, and okay, Atsumu <em> does </em> choke on his water then.</p><p>Osamu pounds on his back roughly as he sputters, and Hinata is kind enough to look <em> mildly </em> apologetic. But Atsumu brought this on himself by dragging him into this sham, so he knows there will be no mercy.</p><p>“I’m fine,” he insists, waving Osamu off while still coughing.</p><p>“That long ago, Atsumu?” his father asks with a scolding tone.</p><p>Hinata laughs. “Well, neither of us was sure what to call it at first. I think we weren’t sure if it was just the excitement of winning the gold or what it was when we kissed.”</p><p>Osamu snorts. “You say that like Tsumu wasn’t already in love with ya for—<em> ouch! </em> ” He glares at Atsumu, who <em> may or may not have </em> kicked him hard in the ankle because he absolutely deserved it.</p><p>“It was a crazy few weeks with all the celebrations,” Atsumu says, magnanimously ignoring Osamu kicking him back. “And by the time we knew we wanted to give this a try, Shouyou-kun was Brazil-bound again.”</p><p>“Well, however it happened,” his mother says, “I’m glad it’s worked out and Shouyou-kun can be here with us this weekend.”</p><p>“Thank you, Miya-san,” Hinata says. “I’m very happy to be here, too.”</p><p>And at least he sounds like he genuinely means it, so Atsumu relaxes—listening to their conversation, ignoring Osamu’s skeptical glances, allowing himself to imagine he’s brought Hinata home as his real boyfriend.</p><p>It’s nice to dream.</p><p>***</p><p>Atsumu wakes up the next morning on his couch, having insisted the night before that Hinata take the bed. There’s an uncomfortable ache in his neck as he stretches, but at least the smell of coffee seems promising.</p><p>He’s drawn to sit up by the familiar half-hum, half-murmur of a made-up song about omurice and discovers the Hinata has already commandeered his small kitchen, where something cooks on the stovetop as he searches the spice cabinet (thankfully stocked by Osamu because Atsumu hardly touches it). He offers Atsumu a warm smile and holds out a mug of coffee when he approaches.</p><p>“Oh, yer the best,” Atsumu hums appreciatively as he inhales the smell and takes his first sip.</p><p>“Just trying to be a good house guest.”</p><p>Atsumu chuckles and sits on a stool. “Ain’t ya already goin’ above and beyond by pretendin’ to date me?”</p><p>Hinata is stirring something at the stove but grins over her shoulder. “When you put it like that, I guess you should be the one cooking breakfast for me.”</p><p>“So ya like yer rice horribly burnt or just crispy?”</p><p>Atsumu’s stomach does backflips when Hinata throws his head back and laughs. “No thanks, I’ve got it.”</p><p>Resting his cheek in his hand, Atsumu watches Hinata cook. It’s a familiar scene from their time as Black Jackals teammates when Hinata would insist Atsumu and Bokuto needed to eat real breakfasts. Atsumu likes having this all to himself right now.</p><p>Hinata’s hair is still a fluffy mess from sleep, and Atsumu wants to reach out to touch it. If Hinata were his real boyfriend, he could. If he were, he could step up behind him and settle his hand on the little bit of exposed skin where his shirt rode up while he reached into the cabinet. He could press a kiss to the nape of his neck and then bury his nose in Hinata’s hair and whisper a “good morning.” And maybe Hinata would keep singing his silly made-up omurice song.</p><p>Daydreaming must distract him, because he startles when Hinata puts a plate of omurice in front of him. </p><p>“Bokuto-san called me this morning,” Hinata says as they dig into their meals. “I guess he heard about… <em> us </em> from Akaashi-san, and he was really upset we kept it a secret from him.”</p><p>Hinata seems a little dejected about it, and Atsumu <em> does </em> feel pretty guilty, too. He never set out to hurt anyone’s feelings with this—even if he’s well aware how it could hurt his own. He’ll have to make it up to Bokuto somehow.</p><p>“I smoothed it over, I think,” Hinata says. “I told him we didn’t think it would be fair to tell anyone in case things didn’t work but that he would’ve been the very next person we’d tell after family. That seemed to cheer him up. He pouts at the plant in front of him, obviously still bothered. “It didn’t occur to me until then that we’d have to lie to our friends, too.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Atsumu says whole-heartedly. “I really didn’t think all of this through.”</p><p>But Hinata smiles weakly and takes a bite of his food. “What’s done is done. I agreed, after all. He’s going to come with us to hang out later. He said he’s even going to bring Omi-san, too!”</p><p>“More like drag him sulking and glaring,” Atsumu says. “But that’ll be good for getting Samu off my back. Bokkun can draw all of the attention to himself.”</p><p>***</p><p>Bokuto does not, in fact, draw all the attention to himself.</p><p>They all plan to meet separately at a restaurant later that day, after Atsumu and Hinata have been out picking up Atsumu’s new suit from the tailor and walking around so Hinata can shop and enjoy the cherry blossoms he no longer gets to see in Brazil.</p><p>Atsumu laughs at Shoyou in all of his extra layers like he’s stepping out in the middle of winter and teases that his time in the Brazil sun has spoiled him too much. Hinata’s nose is red and unbearably cute when he scrunches it while sticking out his tongue.</p><p>They make it to the barbecue restaurant at the same time as Osamu and Keij. </p><p>“Akaashi-san!” Hinata greets enthusiastically and immediately dives into congratulations and rambling. Atsumu is grateful that it keeps him from having to address Osamu’s scrutinizing stare.</p><p>Akaashi takes Hinata’s excitement in stride, politely responding to him but smiling brightly. It reminds Atsumu that he’s known Hinata even longer than he has, although even if he didn’t, years of friendship with Bokuto would have prepared the generally reserved man to deal with just about anyone.</p><p>“It was such a pleasant surprise when Osamu told me that you would be attending our wedding with Atsumu,” Akaashi says.</p><p>“I’m really looking forward to it!” And without warning, Hinata reaches for Atsumu’s hand. </p><p>It seems to surprise him just as much as it does Atsumu as they both stare at each other with warming cheeks, but the tension is thankfully broken by a boisterous cry. </p><p>“Hey hey hey! If it isn’t my two favorite couples!”</p><p>Two strong hands come down heavily on Atsumu’s shoulders, and he looks behind him to see Bokuto beaming.</p><p>“Tsum-Tsum, you thought you could get away with keeping this secret from me, your favorite teammate, did you? But it sounds like congratulations are in order!” </p><p>Atsumu nearly stumbles forward with the force of Bokuto’s hand patting his back.</p><p>“I should have known you had it in you, buddy,” Bokuto goes on. “I was starting to worry you were going to spend the rest of your life crushing on Hinata, but here you’ve been dating this long already? Good for you, buddy!”</p><p>Atsumu wonders how many times this weekend he is going to wish for a quick and merciful death to save him from his constant embarrassment.</p><p>“And Hinata!”</p><p>“Bokuto-san!”</p><p>The pair embrace, and Sakusa turns up with his hands buried deep in his pockets and an amused expression on what Atsumu can see of his face. The bastard always does enjoy seeing Atsumu uncomfortable, after all.</p><p>After some more greetings, they finally move inside where they can eat and still make Atsumu’s life hell.</p><p>“To be honest, I’m surprised it took you guys that long,” Bokuto says around a mouthful of food at one point. “The way you two flirted even back when Hinata played for the Jackals with us, some of the guys had bets on how long before one of you made a move. When did you guys say it happened? Olympics? Oh! I think that means Wan-san got it right!”</p><p>Atsumu growls and swipes the next piece of meat Bokuto reaches for. “That’s rude! Ya can’t go makin’ bets on people’s love lives!”</p><p>“I just can’t believe you gave into Miya’s advances,” Sakusa says to Shoyou as if he’s disappointed, and Osamu laughs. </p><p>“Oi, why is everyone pickin’ on me!” Atsumu complains.</p><p>“Because we’re all wondering how ya got lucky enough to catch someone clearly out of yer league,” Osamu says. </p><p>“I hate all of you. But especially you. Keep bein’ mean to me and see if I say anything nice about ya on Sunday.”</p><p>“I think I’m probably the lucky one, actually,” Hinata says, hand coming to rest on Atsumu’s under the table, “to date someone as generous and funny as Atsumu-kun.”  </p><p>Atsumu’s mouth goes dry, and maybe he’s not even breathing anymore. Because the way Hinata looks at him, his brown eyes so soft and earnest, it feels like he means it. </p><p>Osamu howls. “Okay, how much is my brother payin’ ya to compliment him so nice?”</p><p>Akaashi gives him a fondly scolding look. “We all think it's great that you’re happy together.”</p><p>“Yeah!” Bokuto agrees. “Two of my best pals ending up together! Just like Myaa-kaashi! Hey Akaashi, that means you and Hinata get to be related. No fair!”</p><p>“Bokuto-san, don’t get ahead of yourself,” Akaashi says. “They aren’t getting married.”</p><p>“Yet! That’ll be the next betting pool! I’ll tell Wan-san.” </p><p>Atsumu doesn’t care what they’re saying at this point, though. They can tease him and make bets all they want. Hinata squeezes his fingers again, and it’s the only thing that matters in this restaurant. Atsumu wonders if this is a glimpse of what it feels like to be loved.</p><p>If it is, he doesn’t want Hinata to ever let go of his hand.</p><p>***</p><p>It’s when they’re all walking to their cars and Bokuto has both Hinata and Akaashi locked against his sides with a strong arm around each that Osamu gets Atsumu alone for a word he’s clearly been wanting to have since the night before. Figuring it will be easier to just allow it now, Atsumu matches his slow pace until the others are out of earshot.</p><p>“Okay, spill,” Osamu says. “What’s the deal? Why are you two pretendin’ to be a couple?”</p><p>Even though he’s not wrong, Atsumu still scoffs in offense. “We <em> are </em> a couple.”</p><p>“For a year and a half, right? Uh huh.” Osamu shakes his head and kicks at a rock in his path. “If anything happened, you woulda told me before now.”</p><p>“What makes ya so sure? You didn’t tell me about you and Keiji-kun for like a month.”</p><p>Osamu rolls his eyes. “You can’t keep yer mouth shut for the life of ya. You tell me shit I don’t even <em> want </em> to know about yer life. You tell me everything.”</p><p>“Not <em> everything </em>,” Atsumu insists, actually telling the truth to him for the first time tonight—there’s one very big secret he hasn’t told a soul, not even Osamu. </p><p>“Fine, then, don’t tell me what’s up,” Osamu says, sounding resigned. “But be careful, Tsumu. It feels like yer settin’ yerself up to get hurt.”</p><p>He leaves it at that, speeding up to go rescue his fiancé from Bokuto while his words weigh heavily on Atsumu. Atsumu isn’t sure why, since it’s not like he told him anything he didn’t already know.</p><p>***</p><p>Atsumu and Hinata both feel full of energy when they get back to the apartment, so they stay up intending to stream shows Hinata has missed in Brazil. </p><p>They stretch out on Atsumu’s bed with snacks and Atsumu’s laptop propped between them, but the show playing is soon forgotten as they talk. Hinata tells about life in Brazil, about teammates Atsumu knows only from Instagram photos and game recordings, about traveling to play against Kageyama in Europe, about how nice it is to be able to see Oikawa and reminisce about home while they’re both in South America.</p><p>Atsumu could listen to Hinata talk forever, but something about hearing about the world he lives in—one that’s so wide, stretching farther than Atsumu’s ever been compelled to take on—makes him feel a little wistful.</p><p>In exchange, Atsumu shares stories of their friends—the ones who have stayed right here—but Hinata hangs on his every word like <em> he’s </em> the interesting, worldly traveler.</p><p>Eventually though, they do run out of steam. It’s Hinata who starts to drift off first while a television theme plays from the laptop. As he closes the laptop, Atsumu knows he should get up and move to the couch.</p><p>Instead, he watches Hinata sleep until his own eyes fall shut and he dreams.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <b>August 2021</b>
</p><p>Atsumu rouses slowly, drifting a while between the fading remnants of a dream—of warm lips that taste like beer pressing to his own, of hands tearing at his clothes, of his own hands tangled into orange hair—and subtle awareness of morning. </p><p>There are distant voices outside of wherever ‘here’ is chattering, one whooping with excitement, the sounds of people shifting about elsewhere. He listens to them, wonders vaguely if he’s supposed to be up too—is it Sunday or is the rest of the team up and ready for practice?—but decides he doesn’t really care. His alarm isn’t yelling at him to get up, so he’s staying in unless Captain comes knocking on his door to say otherwise. </p><p>But that’s not right, is it? He smacks his lips, tasting the staleness of beer from the night earlier on his tongue as he tries to place what’s off about the morning without opening his eyes.</p><p>He’s tangled up in sheets, his back against a wall, and there’s a weight pressing into him from the other side, pinning his arm beneath it. It’s warm and firm and shifts ever so slightly, and it takes Atsumu a few moments to realize that a body is lying alongside his. </p><p>Well, that certainly isn’t the usual way he wakes up.</p><p>Atsumu sighs. His eyelids flicker open, cautious of the golden light peeking through the curtains, and his vision is full of messy, tangled orange.</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. </em>
</p><p>He freezes, breath caught in his throat as he blinks once, twice, and confirms that yes, this is exactly what he suspected. Hinata is curled into him, still happily dozing away. They’re both naked beneath the sheets, and the other bed—Hinata’s bed, in their shared room in the Olympic village—is completely untouched. Two red and white ribbons loop backwards around Hinata’s neck, with both his gold medal and Atsumu’s hanging behind him. </p><p>
  <em> “Let’s see you earn your second gold medal today,” Atsumu said against Hianta’s lips, fumbling with the prize around his own neck to loop it over Hinata’s. </em>
</p><p>Atsumu groans in embarrassment, rousing his bedmate. A foot caught between his ankles slides its way loose, and Hinata hums sleepily. He opens his slowly, a little furrow forming in his brow that eases when his brown eyes settle on Atsumu’s face only a breath away from his.</p><p>“Atsumu-san?” he murmurs, his tone neither shocked nor bothered by their proximity, and Atsumu’s heart stutters as he dares to hope.</p><p>
  <em> Is this okay? Maybe this is okay. </em>
</p><p>A knock at the door breaks the spell, and Bokuto’s voice calls from the other side. “Are you guys alive in there? Some of the team is heading down to eat if you want to come!”</p><p>Hinata’s eyes snap wide open and he shoots up, startled, only to fall backward out of the bed with a shout, pulling the sheets with him.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” Bokuto asks, voice full of concern.</p><p>Atsumu snatches up a pillow to cover himself as he sits up. “We’re fine, Bokkun!” he says, finally finding his voice. “I think Shouyou-kun is just a little hungover. We’ll meet ya downstairs in a few. Save us some seats.”</p><p>“Okay! See you!”</p><p>On the floor, Hinata holds one hand to his head and looks around the room at the clothes clumsily kicked aside, the empty champagne bottle knocked over on the table, his own state of undress, then—slowly, uncertainly—Atsumu kneeling on the bed with a pillow clutched over his lap.</p><p>“Atsumu-san,” he says breathlessly, “did we…”</p><p>Atsumu rubs the back of his neck and tries for a sheepish grin. “Guess celebrations got a little outta control, huh?”</p><p>Hinata nods, pulling the sheets up higher around himself before noticing the medals hanging around his neck. He takes them both off and sets them on the bedside table behind him with a careful reverence that neither of the Olympic gold medalists afforded them the night prior. </p><p>They sit there for a few minutes, both avoiding eye contact until Atsumu can’t take it anymore.</p><p>“Well, we should probably get dressed. They’re waitin’ for us.”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>After some awkward shuffling to stand with the sheet still held around his waist, Hinata slips into the bathroom. Atsumu waits for the soft click of the lock to groan into his hands.</p><p>It’s been eight years since Hinata first caught Atsumu’s attention—at first as an exciting curiosity but by the end of their first match against each other, Atsumu discovered an overwhelming need. He <em> had </em> to set to Hinata. </p><p>It sounds silly—and Osamu over the years has spent plenty of time making sure he feels ridiculous for it—but that realization was life changing. An entire third year of high school spent measuring his spikers against one he has only <em> imagined </em> tossing to. A first year in the V.League anxiously wondering if Hinata would make it there the next. A few more years waiting for him to come back from Brazil.</p><p>Atsumu is not a patient man, but for Hinata he is. It was well worth the wait, because when Atsumu finally got to toss to the spiker as ravenously hungry for volleyball as he is, it felt a bit like the stars aligning.</p><p>And the need grew into something else. It was no longer enough just to set for Hinata. He wanted his attention off the court too. In his head, he made at least a dozen other promises.</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to make you laugh every day... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to take you out to dinner... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to learn to cook for you…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to tell you how I feel about you... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to kiss you…  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to bring you to meet my family... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m going to make you fall in love with me…  </em>
</p><p>He’s been patient again. But now after eight years of growing attraction to Hinata, <em> this </em> is how something finally happened. </p><p>Atsumu feels like an idiot. They’ve just won first place in the Olympics, and their reunion is about to come to an end. Hinata doesn’t plan to stay in Japan much longer—he has a team to return to, just like Atsumu has MSBY here.</p><p>What if this has spoiled everything?</p><p>He drags himself out of bed—it won’t help matters to let Hinata find him freaking out—and gets dressed by the time Hinata leaves the bathroom. </p><p>“All yours,” he says, and Atsumu brushes past him with his toothbrush until a hand on his shoulder stops him. “Atsumu-san, about last night—”</p><p>“It’s okay, Shouyou-kun,” Atsumu interrupts, turning back to offer him a reassuring smile. “We were hyped about winnin’ and got carried away. We don’t need to have a big talk about it or anything, if ya don’t wanna. I know what ya need to say. Yer gonna be back to Brazil. It’s okay. I ain’t expecting nothing from ya.”</p><p>“Oh,” is all Hinata says, expression unreadable as he lets his hand drop from Atsumu’s shoulder.</p><p>There’s a twisting feeling in Atsumu’s gut that has nothing to do with his hangover. <em> Or you could stay, </em> he wants to say. <em> What if I asked you to stay?  </em></p><p>He does not ask him to stay. “Still friends?”</p><p>Hinata chews his lower lip and seems to struggle with himself for a moment, but then he plasters on a tentative smile. “Yeah, always.”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <b>Present</b>
</p><p>When Atsumu opens his eyes the next morning, he is saved from acknowledging he shared a bed with Hinata, because there’s no sign that they ever did. His laptop is neatly set aside on the bedside table, while he is sprawled out across most of the bed. Sounds from the kitchen indicate Hinata has once again gotten up before him.</p><p>The dream form the night before—a memory of a very stupid decision—still clings to him, so he stays in bed a while longer and pretends to sleep like any polite host would while their guest cooks.</p><p>He wonders if Hinata thinks much about that night. Does he see sleeping together as a mistake? Or does he worry, like Atsumu does, that he let it all slip through his fingers the next morning? </p><p>Atsumu hasn’t told anyone about what happened, because then he would have to admit that every time he thinks about the Olympics and that gold medal tucked away in a drawer instead of on display, he is reminded of how the greatest victory of his life was immediately followed by his greatest loss.</p><p>Atsumu has told a lot of lies in the past few days, but he can at least admit the truth to himself.</p><p>Fact: Miya Atsumu is in love with Hinata Shouyou.</p><p>Fact: Miya Atsumu already blew his chance with him.</p><p>But he can’t stay in bed wallowing forever, so he groans and drags himself up to face the day.</p><p>He joins Hinata in the kitchen to find another cup of coffee pushed into his hands, and he barely manages to catch himself before making the humiliating error of moving in for a kiss.</p><p>Osamu was right last night when he said Atsumu would get hurt, because all this playing house and holding hands and talking each other up to their friends… it’s teasing Atsumu that he could actually have it.</p><p>***</p><p>“My mom wants us to stay there tonight,” Atsumu tells Hinata when they’re making their plans for the day. “Er, well, that was the plan before you were gonna be here. The shrine is only a couple miles away from our house, so I was just gonna go with them in the morning. We could just stay here if you’d rather. I think my mom probably wants to ask ya a million more questions .”</p><p>“I’m okay with staying at your house,” Hinata says around his toothbrush. “Your parents are really nice. Plus, I didn’t get to see your old bedroom while we were there.” He beams, looking a little ridiculous with the toothpaste foam dripping out the side of his mouth. “Another piece of the Atsumu-san puzzle!”</p><p>Atsumu scratches his head. “I don’t think I’m much of a mystery.”</p><p>Hinata spits. “There are still things I haven’t figured out about Atsumu-san.”</p><p>“Well, I doubt you’ll figure out anything interesting from my childhood bedroom except that Samu and I had bunk beds and our mom still hasn’t thrown out my old Vabo-chan.”</p><p>Hinata just shrugs and goes back to brushing his teeth. “Wan-san and Adriah-san asked if we have any free time to hang out today. Do you think we could before we head to Amagasaki?”</p><p>“There’s definitely time if ya want to, but I think I might lay low before the busy day tomorrow.”</p><p>
  <em> Translation: I need a break from playing couple, especially if we are about to go for round two of this act with my parents. </em>
</p><p>Hinata studies him in the mirror. “Are you sure that’s alright? You really don’t want to come?”</p><p>“Nah.” Atsumu shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. I gotta practice my speech and stuff anyway.</p><p>It’s not entirely wrong. He does spend a few minutes reading the words he’s meant to say tomorrow. Mostly, he just paces around his apartment and agonizes over how he’s going to survive the 24 hours of constant pretending to come.</p><p>***</p><p>When they arrive at his family’s house, Atsumu has hardly set his bags down before his mother is practically pushing him out the front door again.</p><p>“Your cousin Hiroto is flying in, and someone needs to pick him up at the airport.”</p><p>“What?” Atsumu protests. “Why didn’t he set up his own ride? This is so last minute.”</p><p>She shakes her head. “Yer father was going to get him, but he’s had such a long day. Be a good boy and take care of this for him.”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s fair to make Shouyou-kun play chauffeur with me.”</p><p>“And I agree completely,” she says, smiling as she sets her hands on Hinata’s shoulders. “Shouyou-kun can stay here and help me with dinner!”</p><p>Atsumu narrows his eyes, feeling very much like this entire thing has been a premeditated setup. His father is pointedly minding his own business, having learned long ago that it’s easier to just let things play out in this family, whether it’s motherly interference or sibling squabbles. </p><p>Hinata looks a little anxious but smiles nonetheless. “Go ahead, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Atsumu doesn’t really have a choice, so he hangs his head and grabs his keys. “If yer sure. But there better be a dessert in it for me when I get back.”</p><p>“Who do ya think you are negotiating with yer okaa-han,” his mother teases. “Shoo.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” </p><p>He kisses her on the cheek and nearly hesitates when he turns to Hinata, whose eyes are wide like he’s equally aware of the expectant look on Atsumu’s mother’s face. So Atsumu just hurriedly presses a kiss into his hair and pivots on his heel before anyone can see his burning face—or he can see if Hinata’s matches.</p><p>“Atsumu!” his father calls. </p><p>Atsumu pauses in the doorway but does not turn around. “Yeah?”</p><p>“No fender benders this time, okay?”</p><p>“Aw c’mon, it was one time!”</p><p>***</p><p>Atsumu doesn’t receive any messages from Hinata while he’s out, so he hopes it means everything’s going fine. Between the airport and driving Hiroto to his aunt’s house outside of town—why couldn’t one of <em> them </em> have just picked him up?—it takes nearly an hour and a half to get back home. </p><p>But then he gets back and Hinata is strange all through dinner. He still gets along well with Atsumu’s parents and laughs at Atsumu’s jokes, but his smiles don’t reach his eyes and falter in the lulls in conversation. </p><p>Did that kiss on the head earlier make him uncomfortable? Did Atsumu’s mother pry too much or say something she shouldn’t have? </p><p>Atsumu starts to feel his own amiable mood become as forced as Hinata’s seems to be as he tries to quell the anxiety, and it’s actually a relief when Hinata thanks his family for their hospitality and excuses himself to bed.</p><p>“He’s a really wonderful boy,” his mother says fondly once he’s gone. “It makes me happy to see my sons have such kind, thoughtful people as Shouyou-kun and Keiji-kun. Don’t let this one get away, Atsumu. It’s nice to have him around and to know yer alright.”</p><p>She looks at him with so much pride and love—like the day he came home after winning in the Olympics or when he went pro or won best high school setter or announced his volleyball ambitions in primary school or picked Osamu up after falling on the playground or learned to tie his own shoes—that Atsumu wants the ground to swallow him up. He is the worst son in the world for lying and all the while letting her look at him like that.</p><p>He insists on cleaning up dinner as his silent apology for a wrong she doesn’t even know he’s done and ends up feeling worse when she calls herself a lucky mother. </p><p>When he slips into his old bedroom, Hinata doesn’t look ready for bed. He’s still in the same clothes he’s worn all day as he stands near Atsumu’s desk, his back to the door. Tension radiates off him, his head low and shoulders drawn high, and he holds something in his hands where Atsumu can’t see.</p><p>Atsumu waits to be acknowledged but after a while clears his throat. Hinata doesn’t turn around.</p><p>“I hope they didn’t drive ya crazy or pry too much while I was gone…”</p><p>Hinata shakes his head and glances over his shoulder. “Your parents are great.”</p><p>Hearing it does nothing to ease Atsumu’s anxiety as he steps closer. “Didja wanna take the top bunk? That’s where Samu used to—”</p><p>He stops himself when he sees the plane ticket Hinata is holding—one Atsumu bought nearly a year ago and never used. He’d forgotten it was left here, but Hinata appears to be deep in thought as he stares down at it.</p><p>“Shouyou-kun?”</p><p>“Why didn’t you ever come to see me in Brazil?” Words spoken so softly but full of accusation.</p><p>And Atsumu isn’t sure what to say, because he promised he would the night before Hinata went back, when Hinata admitted that even among his friends and teammates there it could be lonely away from the people he cares about here. </p><p>
  <em> “I’ll be sure to visit and bring a little bit of home to you.” </em>
</p><p>But that never happened. He nearly worked himself up to going a few times, only to abandon the notion. The unused ticket in Hinatas hand is proof enough of that.</p><p>“I dunno,” he says uselessly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just got scared, I guess.”</p><p>Hinata frowns at him. “Of what?”</p><p>“I…”</p><p>If Atsumu is completely honest with himself it’s because he feels like he’s always wanting more of Hinata than he’s allowed to have. Would going to Brazil just make that worse? What if he goes and sees that Hinata’s amazing life there is even better than he’s imagined, and then he has to accept that Hinata will never be coming back? What if he gets another taste of what he’s hungry for and can never be satisfied again? What if he loves Hinata but Hinata loves chasing his dreams around the world more than he loves him, and Atsumu actually has to <em> see </em> it? What if he goes and doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore?</p><p>The silence drags on, but Atsumu can’t possibly admit all of that to him and opts to shrug instead. </p><p>Hinata sighs as he sets the ticket back on the desk where he found it. “You know I’m supposed to be going back, right?”</p><p>“Of course,” Atsumu says shakily around the lump in his throat.</p><p>“Do you want me to?”</p><p>The eyes that train on Atsumu are the same ones Hinata has on the court—intense and focused and daring. Atsumu has never shrunk beneath them there nor turned down the challenge.</p><p>“Does what I want really matter?” he asks. “Because I’d hate anyone holdin’ me back from my goals. I ain’t gonna ask you to consider me in yers.”</p><p>Hinata waits but Atsumu isn’t sure what else to say and eventually plops down on the edge of the lower bunk.</p><p>After a while, Hinata grabs his jacket and heads to the door. “I’m going to go for a drink with Bokuto-san. I’ll see you later.”</p><p>The door shuts behind him, and Atsumu falls backward into his bed, staring up at the wood slats of the bunk above him. He reaches up, fingers brushing faded letters scribbled there in pencil and erased years earlier even though the damage was already permanently etched.</p><p>
  <em> Hinata Shouyou. </em>
</p><p>Life was so much simpler when all Atsumu had was a volleyball crush on him.</p><p>***</p><p>Hinata doesn’t come back that night, which isn’t much of a surprise after Atsumu realizes he took his bag with him. Bokuto sends a message at some point that Hinata has crashed with him. It takes a while still for Atsumu to drift off with his mind doing mental gymnastics to figure out what he should have said differently, but the answers don’t come.</p><p>He wakes up to his mother with curlers in her hair, shouting at him that he’s overslept and needs to get ready now if they’re going to get to the venue on time. There’s a list of things Osamu has left them in charge of handling, and she’s frantic even though Atsumu is sure she already took care of everything.</p><p>“Go shower,” she says while tossing a towel at his face. “Where is Shouyou-kun?”</p><p>Atsumu pushes up onto his elbow and rubs sleep out of his eye. “Bokkun took him out last night to catch up with some of the team and it got late so he stayed at his place. We’ll see him at the wedding.”</p><p>
  <em> I hope. </em>
</p><p>“Hey, Okan, what did you and Shouyou-kun talk about yesterday? When I was picking up Hiroto?”</p><p>“Oh mostly about his time in Brazil. It sounds really lovely! Really it’s such a shame you were afraid to fly out there last year. We would go with ya if it’ll make you more comfortable with the long flight. I’d love to visit there sometime and have Shouyou-kun show us around.”</p><p>Atsumu purses his lips, because talking about sight-seeing in Brazil shouldn't have been enough to affect Hinata’s mood. He had been strange toward Atsumu before he ever saw the plane ticket. “Was that all?”</p><p>She looks mildly exasperated for a moment—and okay, yes, Atsumu is holding her up when she has already expressed she feels rushed—but her expression softens some as she studies him. “No, we talked a little bit about how happy he seems to make ya.”</p><p>“You… did?”</p><p>His mother smiles and touches his cheek, her thumb brushing over it a few times. “Sweetheart, the other night when ya brought him for dinner, I’ve never seen ya with such a light in yer eyes for anything except volleyball. The way ya look at him and even just when ya talk about him. Back when he was yer teammate, I thought it was just about volleyball, but I realize now he’s really something special to ya.”</p><p>Pressure builds behind Atsumu’s eyes and he blinks.</p><p>“Atsumu, are ya alright?”</p><p>Atsumu takes a deep breath and nods his head. “Yeah, sorry, just tired still, I guess. Go finish gettin’ ready. I’m not sure curlers are the look ya wanna show up to the wedding in.”</p><p>She pinches his cheek for the comment but is sufficiently distracted from worrying over him. “Okay, then, get a move on.” She claps on her way out of the room. “Shower! Now!”</p><p>Atsumu groans and checks his phone, but there are no new messages from Hinata or Bokuto. Osamu has sent him several, all reminders for things he’s supposed to help with today, plus one follow-up text. </p><p><b> <em>Samu:</em> </b> <em> Don’t cause any drama with your fake boyfriend. Okan likes him too much. </em></p><p>Rolling his eyes, Atsumu sends him a message to ‘fuck off’ but then immediately adds: <em> Happy wedding day, scrub. </em></p><p>***</p><p>The wedding will be starting in forty-five minutes, and Atsumu still hasn’t heard from Hinata. He worries about having to explain him not showing up to everyone. He worries more that he may have screwed up his chances for good. </p><p>When he’s with his family at the shrine, Osamu watches him with concern as their mother and grandmother dress him in layers of kimono and hakama and haori embroidered with their family’s emblem.</p><p>When Osamu asks if he’s alright, Atsumu considers finally spilling the truth—Osamu has been nagging him all of this long weekend to do it—but he knows he has often competed for or stolen the spotlight from his brother. He’s not about to make this day about himself and his mess, so he just smiles and says he was worrying that everyone is going to be too busy admiring the handsome twin instead of Osamu all day. It earns the desired response of Osamu aiming a kick at him, and he laughs his way out of the room.</p><p>“I’m gonna take a quick walk and get some air before the ceremony starts,” he says, heading out before anyone can argue with him. He wanders the grounds aimlessly, nodding politely when he passes an unfamiliar man who must be one of Akaashi’s guests.</p><p>It’s a cool day with a gray sky that’s only just starting to give way to beams of sunlight between the dispersing clouds, and the remnants of an early morning rain still drip slowly from the slanted roofs of the shrine and from cherry blossom trees that sway in the breeze. </p><p>It’s peaceful here, but Atsumu finds hardly any relief in it. Instead, his eyes search the grounds anxiously, hoping to see that familiar orange and end this agony. He wants to talk to Hinata. He wants to talk to someone <em> about </em>Hinata. He wants—</p><p>Atsumu stops in his tracks when he sees a figure in traditional attire standing beneath the gate of the shrine like some divine solution to all of his problems.</p><p>His breath catches in his throat as he meets the placid gaze of Kita Shinsuke across the grounds, illuminated in a spot of sun that’s just opened up. The wind ruffles Kita’s hair gently and plays with the hem of his dark blue haori sleeves, and the charcoal gray pleats of his hakama swish as he approaches.</p><p>“Kita-san.”</p><p>“Good morning, Atsumu,” Kita says with a soft smile, and Atsumu wants to tell him everything. </p><p>It’s been a decade since Atsumu was his underclassman, yet it still feels like Kita always has the answers.</p><p>And because he has no shame left at this point, Atsumu gets right to it: “I’ve made a mess of my life, and I need your advice.”</p><p>***</p><p>They find a relatively dry bench to sit on beneath a tree, and Kita listens solemnly as Atsumu tells him about everything—his longstanding feelings for Hinata that have only grown despite any distance between them, the stupid lie he told his family and the ruse they played up with everyone to perpetuate it, the mistakes he’s made with Hinata in the past. Kita becomes the first soul he ever tells about that night at the Olympics and how a one-night stand was never what he wanted.</p><p>“I love him,” he says, and it’s the first time he’s said that out loud, too. There’s something freeing in <em> saying </em> it, like he clipped a band that’s been constricting his chest ever since this whole thing started. “I love him like… like I love volleyball, ya know? Every time I’m with him, there’s something new to fall for, and I just <em> know </em> I’ll never get enough of it.” He shakes his head and laughs at himself. “After the past few days, he feels <em> farther </em> out of reach.”</p><p>“I’ve never known ya to be unsure of yourself, Atsumu,” Kita says finally, after hearing the full story. “You aren’t the cautious type. You’ve always taken a lot of risks. I used to have to remind ya to actually use your head, and here you are overthinkin’ everything.”</p><p>“I know,” Atsumu agrees woefully. “<em> I hate it </em>.”</p><p>Kita hums. “Have you considered asking what Hinata wants out of this instead of decidin’ you already know for him? Or just let him tell you. You said he asked what you want, but you’re the one shuttin’ down the conversation every time. You don’t give in under pressure and take the easy way out in a match, do you?”</p><p>Atsumu shakes his head.</p><p>“Then stop doing it now,” Kita says. “If you want a relationship with Hinata—and it sounds like you do—you need to communicate with him. You’re gettin’ yourself too nervous over a conversation. Either he wants the same thing or he doesn’t, but you can’t know that without talking.”</p><p>“But if the answer is that he doesn’t—”</p><p>“You’ll at least be able to stop agonizin’ over the question, and you’ll pull yourself together.” It comes out blunt but not unkind. It’s a ‘get over it and move on,’ but with a hint of concern in Kita’s eyes. </p><p>Tears well up, and Atsumu breathes deep to hold them back. Kita makes it sound so simple. </p><p>“And stop lying to your family,” Kita adds. “It’s unfair to them and leaves you alone in a crisis.”</p><p>When Atsumu laughs, a sound that is wet and rough with the many frustrating emotions of the weekend coming to a head, he knows he’s not meant to, but Kita doesn’t scold him for it.</p><p>“Things will be alright,” he says. And from Kita, it sounds like an indisputable fact. </p><p>“What if Shouyou-kun doesn’t show up today?”</p><p>Kita smiles. “I don’t think you’re going to have that problem.” He nods his head at something over Atsumu’s shoulder and stands.</p><p>“Huh?” Atsumu turns around, and there’s Hinata, looking gorgeous in his suit, orange hair standing out brightly against the backdrop of gray weather. That unruly hair has been tamed, combed and parted at one side—still a little messy but artfully so.</p><p>His smile is thin but his eyes are determined as he waves at Atsumu.</p><p>“I’ll leave you two to talk. The procession should be starting soon.” Kita squeezes Atsumu’s shoulder and heads back to the entrance gate where Bokuto and Aran seem to be catching up with each other.</p><p>Atsumu stands, too, feeling silly sitting there on the bench while Hinata shifts from one foot to the other in front of him. “I’m glad you still came.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t stand you up,” Hinata says. “I’m sorry if I made you worry. I just had a lot to think about.”</p><p>Atsumu waves his hands in front of him to stop Hinata’s apology. “No, no, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who should be sorry. I put ya in a real awkward spot with this weekend and asked ya to play along even while never talkin’ about the very real thing that <em> did </em> happen between us. And it’s been eatin’ away at me. Not just this weekend, but ever since then.”</p><p>“Me too.” Hinata shoves his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket and fidgets. “I was happy, you know, when you kissed me at the Olympics. And everything else that happened that night. Being with you… I really wanted that. The way you reacted the next morning, though, I thought you regretted it. But based on our conversation last night, maybe I understand a little bit better.” </p><p>He’s unable to be still. He pulls his hands from his pockets again, balling them into fists at his side. “Did you think volleyball in Brazil was more important to me than you? Or that it had to be one or the other?”</p><p>“I wasn’t sure how ya felt about me,” Atsumu says truthfully. “Maybe you only saw me as a friend or you were just lookin’ for a fling and thought I was too. It didn’t make sense as more. I’ve always been fine right here in Japan, y’know? But you haven’t stayed put since high school. There are always gonna be more stages out there for ya. I was afraid to find out where I stood.”</p><p>“You already stood on the biggest stage with me,” Hinata says with a teasing smile. </p><p>Atsumu grins. “Yeah, we did that, didn’t we?” </p><p>“I had feelings for you then, and I still do now.”</p><p>The wind musses Hinata’s hair a bit, and Atsumu reaches up to comb an errant strand back into place with his fingers. “I’m willing to bet a teenage boy’s dumb furniture scribbles that I’ve been thinking about ya far longer than that.”</p><p>Hinata’s smile turns a little puzzled but it doesn’t falter. “You need to tell me what you want. I <em> want </em> to know what you want, because it does matter.”</p><p>Atsumu laughs. “I’m supposed to be askin’ you that, y’know.”</p><p>“Well, I want to hear it from you first,” Hinata demands, and the intense court stare is back.</p><p>Atsumu will not shrink beneath it. </p><p>He lifts his hands to hold Hinata’s face between them, one palm pressed to his cheek, the other lower down his jaw, where he can wrap his fingers back behind Hinata’s neck and bury them in the hair there. </p><p>The kisses from that night at the Olympics are hazy, drunken memories, but this one will be burned into Atsumu’s mind in stunning detail. The lowering of Hinata’s eyes toward Atsumu’s mouth. The nervous way Hinata wets his lips before Atsumu’s press to them. How soft and warm they feel. Hinata’s hands gripping at the front of his shirt. The sigh of contentment.</p><p>It’s brief and understated but Atsumu swears it’s the best kiss of his life. </p><p>“I want more than just one night together,” he says. “I want something real with you, Shouyou-kun.”</p><p>If anyone asks Atsumu later, he will tell them that Hinata’s smile right then is what finally brought out the sun that day. It’s brilliant and overjoyed as he grabs Atsumu’s hands.</p><p>“One year,” Hinata says. “I already signed the contract for next season, so I’m tied in for it. You <em> have to </em> visit me this time, at least once, okay? And when the year’s up, I’ll come back to Japan.”</p><p>Atsumu can’t help but kiss him again, insisting against Hinata’s lips, “I’ll come to Brazil a hundred times!”</p><p>“Oi!” Osamu’s voice calls out from a distance, snapping their attention to the many people who’ve gathered with the grooms—lining up for the processional already. “Are you two gonna hold up the whole wedding?”</p><p>“Coming, Osamu-san!” Hinata cries, pulling Atsumu along with him as he jogs over to join everyone. </p><p>They settle into line where they’re told, and Atsumu’s head is still spinning when the wedding begins. But Hinata’s hand is firm in his and isn’t part of an act.</p><p>Fact: Miya Atsumu is in love with Hinata Shouyou.</p><p>Fact: Miya Atsumu will never let him slip through his fingers again.</p><p>  </p>
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